So.. failure of ride, and invasion from painters.

If you are looking for a fun loving post, you may as well pass on today.

I am barely in survival mode.  The settle of Sweet Pea no longer being in danger, the cleaning of my gear, the acceptance of utter failure, and then on top of that my kitchen and bath being painted and putting ALL my things in the dinning and living rooms.    So I have lived for a week with the environment of only having one place on the sofa to sit and the chair empty so two can be in the living room, and a path from the bath to the kitchen.  For those of whom have no idea of my house, let me just explain... I live in barely over 700 square feet, I run a business from this space and try to function as best I can but I am at my wits end...

The failure is a constant cloud over my head... or as in the commercials a fluffy house coat of utter depression. The fact that my gear has YET to find a new home; as Jerry had allowed me the dinning room for prep and during the trek it now has to find a place with humidity control, free of mice (meaning I can't put it in the barn) and some type of temperature control so I will have it for years to come.  This is becoming hard to figure out, but I am at this point thinking maybe next week I can focus on the bird room... move their emergency things and put my equine things below their stuff.  But I have yet to figure out the storage in my mind so this is still in my Living room as I type.

I have JUST today gotten things back in the kitchen, thrown out a large box of items ... no lids, no bottoms etc... broken things, and things I just don't use anymore.

I am ANGRY, upset and need LOTS of compassion in my life right now but as usual I feel so alone! What's new? NOTHING! I mean please I've been cleaning, taking care of, and re doing things for weeks now and I have absolutely nothing to show for it.  My kitchen is already a mess, as there are things on the counter I would kill to have a new home for. I am sure my floors will be littered with MUD by 5pm as I go the barn and have at some point to re enter my home with my shoes still on.... and then where are they to stay, dry and be warm for the early in the morning as I prepare to do the same... and track in only more mud for the house to collect.

LIFE never ends and I am TIRED of CLEANING! I am tired of having to work out all the problems and make life flow effortlessly ... as if it ever did or ever will.

Angry at the world....
Angry....
? ms angry...